The North Star Tool: How to Stop Chasing Goals and Start Living with Purpose

David Stamation, Executive Life Coach

The Long Read

Coming out of my health sabbatical, I needed a way to regain focus and momentum. Like many people, I had a history of setting big goals, chasing them with energy, then watching motivation fizzle. What changed everything for me wasn’t another clever goal-setting system—it was discovering my North Star. Take the quiz.

This simple, enduring tool has kept me steady through distractions, setbacks, and shifting circumstances. Today, I want to share why goals so often fail, why a North Star endures, and how you can use it to live with clarity, purpose, and momentum.

Why Goals Fail

• “Lose 20 pounds.”

• “Hire an associate.”

• “Double my business revenue.”

  
  

The plan looks sharp, the timeline is clear, and motivation is strong until it isn’t. Weeks later, the treadmill gathers dust, the team is disengaged, and the journal sits blank.

Goals are fragile because:

1. They depend on willpower. Motivation spikes at the start but quickly burns out without something deeper.

2. They’re rigid. Life shifts—illness, family needs, market changes—and suddenly the timeline doesn’t fit.

3. They’re external. Too many goals come from comparison or expectations, not authentic desire.

4. They’re temporary. Even when achieved, satisfaction fades. “Now what?”

   
   

Goals can get you moving but they rarely keep you moving.

What Is a North Star?

A North Star isn’t a goal. It’s your deeper why—the principle or value that provides consistent direction, even when life changes.

Examples:

• Goal: “Lose 20 pounds.”

  → North Star: “Live with vitality so I can play with my kids.”

• Goal: “Save $25,000.”

  → North Star: “Build financial freedom so I can live on my terms.”

• Goal: “Run a marathon.”

  → North Star: “Experience growth by testing my limits.”

  
  

Goals are about what you want; a North Star is about why it matters. Do you feel the difference? Can you sense the motivating force behind each one when converted to a North Star?

How a North Star Endures

Here’s why a North Star outlasts goals:

1. It adapts. Life shifts, but your North Star remains steady.

2. It fuels energy. Authentic motivation lasts far longer than willpower.

3. It provides perspective. Setbacks don’t derail you they become part of the journey.

4. It creates fulfillment. You’re aligned with meaning, not chasing hollow achievements.

   
   

For me, a North Star endures because it’s simple enough to recall and repeat anytime, anywhere.

My North Star – The 4Cs

During my recovery, I found clarity in what I call the 4Cs:

• Cynthia – My wife, my partner, my anchor.

• Clients – Fulfillment from serving and connecting.

• Cars – Passion and excitement from racetracks that keep life thrilling.

• Community – Friendships and contribution that ground me

  
  

These aren’t abstract words they live in my everyday choices. They remind me to eat well, rest, train, and stay consistent because my marriage, my work, my passions, and my friendships are worth showing up for.

Whenever I drift, the 4 Cs pull me back. Often, simply saying “My North Star” is enough to tap into that motivating feeling without reciting the whole list.

The Benefits of Living Your North Star

When life gets noisy, what keeps you steady isn’t another checklist, it’s clarity about who you are and why you do what you do. A North Star cuts through the noise and gives direction that lasts.

Here’s how it benefits you:

1. Clarity in decision-making. Filters opportunities through your values, making it easier to say “no” and faster to decide. Drastic reduction of analysis-paralysis.

2. Lasting motivation. Instead of burning out, you draw energy from your deeper purpose. This is the difference between forcing yourself and being pulled forward.

3. Resilience in hard times. Setbacks don’t derail you; they refine you. A North Star keeps you grounded when life hits hard.

4. Alignment of inner and outer life. Your actions reflect your values, creating inner peace and consistency.

5. Growth with purpose. Self-improvement shifts from “fixing what’s wrong” to living what’s true.

   
   

Your North Star isn’t just a tool it’s a compass that keeps you aligned with meaning.

Why It’s Hard to Find Yours

If a North Star is so powerful, why don’t more people live by one? Denial, fear, and old patterns get in the way. Another reason: most people don’t take the time to sit quietly, reflect, and clarify their current values—the step that reveals what truly matters and uncovers their all-important “why.”

Common blocks I see in my coaching practice include:

• Deserve Levels: “I don’t deserve this.” → Truth: you are inherently worthy of growth and joy.

• People-Pleasing: Living for approval instead of truth. → Freedom comes when you show up authentically.

• Fear of Disappointment: Playing small to avoid failing. → Growth means risk; regret comes from not trying.

• Perfectionism: Waiting for perfection. → Progress beats perfection every time.

• Comparison Trap: Measuring yourself against others. → Your path is yours; celebrate meaningful growth.

• Fear of Loss or Change: Holding onto the familiar. → Focus on what change can create, not what it takes away.

  
  

These blocks aren’t permanent. With awareness—and sometimes with a coach—they can be named, worked through, and released. Coaching guidance shows up big here.

Real-Life Examples

A North Star doesn’t need to be grand it needs to be true. Here are examples from my coaching practice to inspire your own:

• Family First: Ground every decision in leading and connecting with loved ones.

• Lead With Love: Slow down, soften, and let love guide your relationships.

• Health as Sacred Ground: Care for your body not from guilt, but from deep respect for life.

• New Business: Use your North Star to define the kind of clients you want and the vision you’re building.

• Financial Freedom: Let your “why” guide spending and saving so money supports your values.

• Joy in the Everyday: Shift from only striving to also savoring—invite joy into ordinary moments.

• Adventure & Exploration: Break routine and create a framework for the life you’ve dreamed of. Balance the “all work, no play” mindset.

Each of these is clear, personal, and enduring. When lived they influence not just what you achieve but how you walk through life.

Final Thought

Reflection helps, but practice transforms. Your North Star is meant to be lived, not imagined. Use it to cut through distractions, fuel momentum, and create a life that feels aligned and alive.

So, what’s yours? Take the quiz.

Invitation

Are you ready to move past stalled goals and uncover the deeper “why” that will actually carry you forward? Coaching and mentorship give you clarity, accountability, and momentum. Together, we can help you discover—and live—your North Star. Start your journey with my self-serve scheduler, Calendly, and talk about anything you want.