If Men Are to Make Plans, Women Need to Make Space
The last blog post on this topic sparked significant discussion among clients and colleagues, making it clear that a deeper conversation is needed. Read it here.
How Did We Get Here?
In today’s world, women are assertive and in control of their lives both personally and professionally. This is a beautiful evolution, and I’ve championed it since I was 15, watching my mother navigate a male-dominated world. Her strength and resilience shaped my understanding of what women can achieve.
But have we lost the natural balance in relationships?
As women have made incredible advances, they’ve often had to adopt masculine traits to succeed. At the same time, many men, in an effort to support equality, have been encouraged to dial down their masculine energy. In doing so, we’ve lost polarity—the dynamic tension that fuels attraction, connection, and intimacy.
The result? Many women find themselves exhausted from constantly leading, while many men feel passive or uncertain about their role in relationships. This isn’t anyone’s fault—it’s simply a byproduct of our cultural era.
Understanding Masculine-Feminine Dynamics
Before we go further, let’s clarify what we mean by "masculine" and "feminine" in this context. These terms are not about rigid gender roles, religious ideology, or societal expectations based on tradition. Instead, they refer to universal energy dynamics that exist in all people, regardless of gender, culture, or belief system.
Masculine energy is often associated with leadership, direction, and decisiveness, while feminine energy embodies receptivity, flow, and creativity. Every person, regardless of gender, has both energies within them, and a healthy relationship thrives when there is a balance between the two.
This is not a call to return to outdated gender norms, nor is it tied to any political or religious movement. It is simply an exploration of the natural polarity that fosters attraction, connection, and fulfillment in relationships. Understanding these dynamics can help couples cultivate deeper trust, passion, and harmony—without imposing limiting roles on either partner.
My Story
I wish I had understood masculine-feminine dynamics and the crucial role of polarity in a previous relationship earlier in my life; she was a masculine-oriented woman—we’ll call her M.
M was driven, ambitious, and embodied traits I admired. She was a fearless adventurer, capable of thriving in the jungles of Central America without complaint. But when we transitioned to building a home and domestic life together, our challenges emerged.
I wanted to assert my masculine energy and take the lead, but she had already occupied that space. When I made plans, she often said “no.” If I organized a bike ride or hike, she would race ahead and take a different trail, creating a disconnect. We were both in our masculine, constantly butting heads, generating tension.
Over time, I began to feel defeated, withdrawing emotionally and growing increasingly frustrated. The relationship suffered, and eventually, we broke up.
Had I Known, I Would Have Tried This
I hope to pass this insight to you so you can bypass the painful trial-and-error phase and build a deeper connection with your partner.
If you’re curious about the masculine-feminine dynamic and how polarity affects your relationship, I invite you to try this one-month experiment with your partner:
The One-Month Challenge
Men: Step Into Your Masculine
Take the initiative.
Make plans for dates, vacations, and daily activities.
Lead with confidence and direction.
Women: Make Space for the Masculine
Notice the tendency to lead and actively choose to say “yes” more often.
Create space for your partner to take initiative and trust his ability to guide.
Consciously Create Space for Polarity
A woman may embrace her masculine energy at work and she can make space for the masculine with a conscious shift into her feminine in the relationship.
A man must commit to leading, making decisions, and providing direction. Without this, his partner cannot trust or relax into her feminine.
If the man reverts to passivity, the woman will instinctively step into her masculine and take control, inverting the natural polarity.
After One Month, Reflect Together
What emotions surfaced?
Did you enjoy it?
What did you learn from this experiment?
Ask each other:
What did you notice when I stepped into my masculine?
What did you notice when I stepped into my feminine?
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you’re wondering where your relationship lost its spark, this is an incredibly effective place to start. When both partners understand and respect their natural masculine or feminine core, the relationship gains depth, attraction, and lasting connection.
Try the experiment. Open the conversation. See what shifts.
If you’re ready to explore this dynamic further and want personalized guidance, I invite you to coach with me to restore balance, connection, and passion in your relationship.
Reach out to start your journey. Your next step begins here.
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