When He Leads, I Can Soften - A Feminine Completion to “Men, Make Plans and Initiate”

by Cynthia Stamation

A Note from Cynthia

David’s article speaks about the masculine side of polarity and why initiation, planning, and leadership matter in relationship. What follows is the feminine completion. When a man steps forward to lead, something else must also happen for polarity and intimacy to return. This is the other half of the conversation. Includes a Quiz for women.

When David wrote Men, Make Plans and Initiate, it brought language to a dynamic many couples are living without fully understanding.

What he named from the masculine side is only half of the equation.

If men are to step forward and lead, women must be willing to make space.

And that’s not always easy.

How Did We Get Here?

We live in a time where women are capable, accomplished, and deeply self-directed. This is a powerful and necessary evolution. I witnessed it early, watching my own mother succeed in a male-dominated world. Her strength shaped me.

Quietly and consistently, I hear this question from successful women:

Why am I so tired of leading everywhere?

Many women learned to rely heavily on masculine traits, decisiveness, control, self-sufficiency. At the same time, many men, wanting to be supportive and respectful step back from leadership.

No one did anything wrong.

But something essential was lost: polarity.

Without polarity, ease, attraction and intimacy slowly fade.

What Masculine & Feminine Actually Mean

This isn’t about gender roles, hierarchy, or control. It’s about energy.

Masculine energy provides direction, containment, and initiation.

Feminine energy brings receptivity, flow, and connection.

We all carry both but most of us have a dominant core.

Polarity isn’t about going backward.

It’s about restoring balance so connection can breathe again.

My Story: When Men Lead and Women Don’t Make Space

Here’s the part that’s harder to name:

Even when a man steps up, a woman can unconsciously block polarity.

I’ve lived this. I was once in a relationship with someone highly capable and initiating. Without realizing it, I met his leadership with correction, resistance, and control.

Energetically, I stayed in the same space he was trying to occupy.

We were both leading.

Both pushing.

Both exhausted.

The relationship didn’t end because there wasn’t love, it ended because there was no space for polarity to exist.

What I Know Now

If I had known then what I know now, I would have practiced allowing.

Allowing leadership without correcting it. Allowing discomfort without taking over. Allowing myself to soften, even when my reflex was to manage.

Because here’s the truth many women miss:

When a man initiates with presence and intention, the feminine doesn’t lose power.

She gains relief.

Relief from deciding.

Relief from holding everything.

Relief from being “on” all the time.

That relief is what allows the feminine to open and respond.

A Gentle Self-Check

Pause and reflect.

• Do I automatically take charge in my relationship?

• Do I feel relieved or irritated when my partner leads?

• Am I carrying an invisible load?

• Do I trust my partner to initiate without stepping in?

• Does attraction feel alive… or flat?

If something stirred, that’s awareness—not a problem.

QUIZ

Are You Making Space for Polarity?

A companion to this article.

Answer honestly. Choose the option that best reflects your most common pattern, not your ideal.

1. When your partner initiates plans, you usually:

A. Feel relieved and willing to follow

B. Feel mixed, part grateful, part uncomfortable

C. Feel the urge to adjust, improve, or take over

2. When a decision needs to be made in your relationship, you tend to:

A. Pause and allow him to lead

B. Step in if it feels inefficient or unclear

C. Automatically take charge

3. When he chooses something (restaurant, timing, activity), your first instinct is to:

A. Relax and respond

B. Evaluate and offer suggestions

C. Correct or redirect

4. How does your body feel when you’re not leading?

A. Soft and open

B. Uneasy or restless

C. Anxious or tense

5. In your daily life, you feel:

A. Balanced between doing and receiving

B. Capable but tired

C. Constantly “on” and responsible

6. When your partner leads imperfectly, you:

A. Let it be and stay present

B. Try to help without taking over

C. Step in to fix or manage

7. When conflict arises, you tend to

A. Stay open and curious

B. Take control to resolve it

C. Withdraw or become critical

8. Attraction in your relationship currently feels:

A. Alive and flowing

B. Inconsistent

C. Flat or strained

9. When you imagine letting go of control in relationship, you feel:

A. Relieved or curious

B. Uncertain

C. Resistant or unsafe

10. At your core, you long to:

A. Be met, held, and guided

B. Share leadership equally

C. Stay in charge to feel secure

Results

Mostly A’s: The Receptive Feminine

You are allowing polarity to exist. You know how to soften and receive without losing yourself.

Growth edge: Stay conscious. Softening is a practice, not a personality trait.

Mostly B’s: The Guarded Feminine

You want to receive, but habit or self-protection keeps you partially in control.

Growth edge: Practice allowing small moments of leadership without correction.

Mostly C’s: The Over-Functioning Feminine

You carry much of the relational load. Control has become safety but at the cost of ease and attraction.

Growth edge: Begin releasing responsibility so polarity can return.

The Polarity Experiment

Not a rule.

Not a prescription.

An exploration.

For Men (as David shared):

• Initiate

• Make plans

• Lead with clarity and presence

  
  

For Women:

• Notice the reflex to lead or correct

• Practice saying “yes” more often

• Allow guidance without stepping in

Together:

• Women can lead powerfully in careers and soften in relationships at home

• Men must commit to leadership. Without it, trust can’t form

• When men go passive, women will step in and polarity collapses

After a month, reflect together:

What felt relieving?

What felt uncomfortable?

What shifted?

Why This Matters

When David says, “We’re not cooking tonight. I’m taking you out,” my body relaxes before my mind responds.

Not because I can’t decide but because I don’t want to decide everything. That moment of direction creates intimacy.

This is the work we do together at The Love Retreat.

Not theoretically, but embodied, practiced, and felt in real time.

Polarity doesn’t return through effort. It returns when the nervous system no longer feels responsible for holding everything together.

It returns when one leads and the other allows.

And it begins, just as David said, with one decision.

Cynthia

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