What Kind of Overwhelmed Are You?

David Stamation, Executive Life Coach

Naming your overwhelm is the first step toward making it smaller. 

When I say I'm overwhelmed, it tends to be broad and non-specific, as if a big wave has knocked me down and I'm simply eager to find dry shoreline, rest, and catch my breath. Survival mode. It's an unpleasant and tense place to be, in both mind and body. 

I've done my own work on overwhelm through coaching. But it was at a weeklong retreat that I witnessed several men describe the overwhelm running through their lives: careers, new families, key relationships with spouses and parents. What emerged from their sharing closely paralleled my own experience, and it pointed toward something I've come to see repeatedly in my coaching work. 

What We Mean By It 

Overwhelm is a state of being mentally or emotionally inundated by a situation, or by a lifestyle that has simply become too much. It often shows up as stress, anxiety, or an inability to cope. You may feel paralyzed, unable to function. Or you function just fine but are perpetually exhausted from too much stimulus. Both are forms of overwhelm, and both subtract from your life. 

The Two Things 

Two underlying causes surfaced repeatedly at the retreat: lack of boundaries and overcommitment. 

Many of the men traced their overwhelm directly to poor boundaries, personally and professionally. They had trouble saying no. Difficulty setting limits. They were chronically overextended and unable to prioritize their own needs. 

The second thread was overcommitment. Too many responsibilities, too many obligations, too many balls in the air. These men felt stretched thin, struggling to meet all the demands they had taken on, often willingly, often with good intentions, and always at a cost. 

These two patterns, boundaries and overcommitment, are not exclusive to men. My female clients arrive at the same place by different roads. But the destination, chronically overextended and running on empty, is strikingly consistent across both.

The Consistent Cost 

Self-care collapses first. Exercise, eating, and sleep go by the wayside. Then the important relationships erode. Spouses are quietly repositioned into crisis counselors, buffering their partner from the outside world. Children get what is left. Close friendships drift. And another decade passes while the conversation about taking better care of yourself stays exactly that, a conversation. 

Why I Wrote This 

I'm not trying to fix your overwhelm with one blog post. What I'm offering is a first step, a way to organize and name the specific type of overwhelm you have been wrestling with. Not the big wave. Something smaller and more tangible that you can get your hands on and begin to work with. 

In my coaching work I help clients identify the primary sources of their overwhelm through seven distinct types I've identified over the years: poor boundaries, overcommitment, high expectations, perceived lack of control, information overload, and others that emerge from the particular combination of personality and circumstance each person carries.

Overwhelm rarely has a single cause and knowing which type you are dealing with changes the conversation and the path forward entirely. 

Understanding your version of overwhelm is where to begin. 

That's the work. If you're ready to do it, I'm here. 

I'm available for a complimentary introductory call. You can visit me at Legacy. Schedule it on Calendly.