Two Feet In: Why I'm Retiring from the Work I Love

David Stamation, Executive Life Coach

Earlier this month I wrote the hardest letter of my life. It went to my clients, and it told them I was retiring from coaching, effective immediately.

I'm 61. I love this work. I absolutely love it. And I've come to understand that I can't do it well and heal at the same time.

Why Now

For the past five years I've been living with a long-term cancer diagnosis. Some of you have read about it here. For most of that time, treatment has gone remarkably well. I worked, I coached, and I lived a full life alongside it. Twice in those five years I stepped away for a six-month health sabbatical, and both times I left the door open to come back.

This time I didn't. After a meeting with my oncologist, it became clear that treatment and the long recovery that follows would need my time and my energy. Asking my clients to wait through another long break felt like an unfair demand to place on our relationship. They deserved a coach who was all the way there. So, I chose my health, and I chose it with two feet in.

I'd spent the better part of a year reflecting on what I would do if this moment came. That reflection is why the decision, as hard as it was, feels complete. I'm not grief-stricken. I'm at peace.

They All Came Back

Here's the part that still moves me. After each of those sabbaticals, my clients came back. All of them. Nobody went looking for someone else. They coached themselves for six months, kept doing the work, and then picked up right where we'd left off.

I remember coming downstairs and telling Cynthia, they all came back. They all came back. I was surprised every time, and I still am. There's a particular kind of pride in that, less in myself than in them and in what we built together.

What This Work Gave Me

This has been the most fulfilling career of my life, and I've had a few. For the last ten years I never once had trouble getting out of bed. I was ready to work every single day.

Part of that was the learning. Every client brought a combination I hadn't seen before, and I'd go study up and come back with something more on the mark. My curiosity is insatiable, and my clients fed it. I was growing right alongside them.

But the deeper part was the honor of it. We worked on their businesses. We worked on their relationships. And we worked on them, which is where the honor lives. I call it close-to-the-bone work. We didn't shy away from the hard places. I pressed, and they let me. Over and over I watched people soften, open, and reveal themselves. Self-awareness arriving. New understanding about who they were. Just beautiful.

I want to be clear about one thing. I didn't change anyone. They changed themselves, and they were the ones who declared it. My job was to remind them of the change and to slow down long enough to celebrate it, so they could see in themselves what I could already see.

Somewhere along the way I discovered I had more to give than I realized. That was a gift I didn't expect. And I got to teach my clients the power of receiving, a lesson I learned from my wife. It may be the most important thing I passed along.

The Hardest Part

There is one sadness I'll name. Last month, a few new people reached out wanting to start, and I had to say no. I'm okay with that, but I felt it. I've always loved the beginning. The possibility. Teaching someone emotional fluency for the first time, knowing it's something they'll carry for the rest of their life in a way that's healthy, peaceful, and productive.

To My Clients

Don't quit. Keep it going with small, daily acts. It doesn't have to be intense. It just has to be steady.

If you're one of the men, find a men's group. If you're one of the women, talk to Cynthia, or take your time finding a coach who fits.

Stay in your game, and I promise you'll have peace. I promise.

And if you decide to stop, make it a conscious decision. "I'm done coaching for now" is very different from letting the work wander off into the sunset. Two feet in, or two feet out. You'll get back the energy you put in.

Many of you became far more than clients to me. Thank you for your trust, your openness, and the privilege of being part of your growth. Working with you has been one of the great joys of my life.

With gratitude,

David