Looking back, I’ve often wondered why it took so long to embark on my personal development journey considering how much it has helped me live a more fulfilling life. I had many reasons: acknowledge something was wrong with me, didn’t believe I could change and thought I could do it myself.
Earth
I discovered personal development operates on two distinct levels: one is on the surface and the other deep inside. I’ll use the earth as an analogy. The earth’s crust represents daily interactions and relationships. The inner core is the more difficult to change patterns a person has.
The crust is where some of the fastest results in personal development happen that result in newfound peacefulness and ease by using tools that help us relate to ourselves and others; relationships with key people such as spouses and children or employees.
The inner core has fixed and ingrained patterns that are harder to change. We may know or sense we have emotional baggage but can feel powerless to make a change. This baggage creates inner tension in our relationships. The most satisfying aspect of inner core work is creating lasting change and getting free of some old stuff we’re ready to move on from.
Client Experience: Mr. B. wanted a better relationship with his wife
This client was ruled by his anger and this was how he managed relationships at home and work. At the crust level, we identified his triggers and used them to improve key relationships. We found ways to slow the conversation down with his spouse that led to better quality exchanges where he felt heard and seen. Other parts of his anger were more deeply embedded.
His inner core revealed that anger was his source of power and control. In childhood, his parents, in a genuine effort to raise him well, were controlling. As a child, he needed to be seen and heard and would use anger to assert himself to feel powerful. This childhood strategy carried into adulthood and had a negative impact and needed to be updated. We softened his reliance on anger with skills and insights that gave him more of what he really wanted – heartfelt connections.
The Legacy Method
The Legacy Method works on both levels by scoring wins on the crust and by tapping into and exploring unconscious thoughts and beliefs that reside in the inner core.
Beliefs and difficult-to-change patterns are addressed by going back to the earliest known events that led to them. This process of unthreading from unconscious thoughts and beliefs results in people feeling softer and lighter and when we get into that space, they begin reassessing what they want and begin creating the life they want.
Imagine the rewarding feeling of being released from an old belief or pattern that has trapped or otherwise held you back; while creating and updating new ones that better match the person you are today. Much like the earth, the inner core shapes the outer crust.
Client Experience: Mrs. R. wanted more vitality and self-care
A client had been giving herself away to family, friends, and employees by putting them first. It left her angry and resentful because she wasn’t doing things for herself.
Using the analogy of the earth’s crust we worked on surface things to do for herself, such as time to walk, meditate, write, and practice yoga. This created space to get in touch with her needs which resulted in less tension and improved relationships. Some threads remained, so we looked further.
This set up the exciting step of exploring her inner core to uncover why she gave herself away to others. We traced it back to childhood when a teacher treated her badly. She developed a strategy to please the teachers and her classmates to be accepted – it worked.
We used inner core work to replace this dated strategy with ones that are better suited to the person she is today.
Conclusion
I am amazed by how much a client changes over the course of a year when they commit to their personal growth journey. When we feel powerless to change an old habit, it often lies deeper than the crust. This is where a coach you can relate to will help you expose the blind spots and help you on the path to knowing yourself better.