Agreements keep life organized, whether in business or at home. Some are clear and explicit, while others are vague assumptions. While agreements provide stability, they can also create feelings of obligation, resentment, or emotional burden over time. You can make them with friends, children, spouses, and in work settings.
Take the Quiz to assess how you approach agreements.
Are Your Agreements Serving You?
Next time you fulfill a task or commitment, check in with yourself—do you feel happy or reluctant? Is there an explicit or implicit agreement at play? Ask yourself:
Do I want to continue this agreement?
Does the other party even see this as an agreement, or is it just me?
How Can I Create Agreements That Make Me Feel Free?
Example: The Grocery Shopping Agreement
I had an unwritten agreement with my wife to grocery shop based on my “fair share” mindset. When I finally voiced that I wanted a new agreement—where I didn’t join the shopping—she was relieved. She never expected me to do it and preferred shopping alone. Done. I eliminated an assumed agreement that wasn’t needed.
The Benefits of Revisiting Agreements
When you bring up a discussion about an agreement, the other person is often just as relieved as you are. It clears up heavy energy, reduces resentment, and fosters better communication.
Expect surprises – The other person may not need or expect what you assumed.
Make it a request, not a demand – A collaborative approach gives both parties a sense of empowerment.
Clear misunderstandings – Many agreements exist due to assumptions rather than actual conversations.
Updating or canceling an outdated agreement benefits everyone.
Why We Hold onto Agreements (Even When We Don’t Want To)
People often take on more tasks than they want or need to. Before renegotiating an agreement, reflect on how you got there:
Did you explicitly agree to it, or did you assume it?
Do you say “yes” when you mean “no”?
Common reasons we keep unwanted agreements:
✔ Fear of letting others down
✔ Perfectionism
✔ Loyalty
✔ Control
✔ Duty or obligation
✔ Family culture (“This is just how it’s done”)
What If an Agreement Can’t Be Broken?
If you can’t fully release an agreement, break it into smaller parts. Identify what aspect is most frustrating and see if that part can change. Even small shifts can create a sense of relief.
The Power of Creating New Agreements
In a personal development group, a man committed to writing a resume to find a new job. Five weeks passed, and he hadn’t made progress—each week, he looked weighed down by guilt. Finally, the leader gave him permission to create a new agreement—or cancel the goal altogether.
The man instantly felt lighter. He realized he no longer wanted to pursue that job search and let it go. The emotional burden disappeared because he gave himself permission to change the agreement.
How Does It Feel to Create a New Agreement?
Most people report feeling:
✅ Confident
✅ Energized
✅ Relieved
✅ Fulfilled
✅ Trusting
Some describe it as a "clean" feeling and a step toward freedom.
What Can You Do Now?
Take inventory of your agreements:
List them out – Identify clear, explicit agreements vs. vague, assumed ones.
Assess them one by one – Ask, Does this enrich my life? Is it energizing or de-energizing?
Have a conversation – The other person may feel the same way!
Lead with Freedom
When you introduce this tool openly and honestly, it usually leads to relief on both sides. Free yourself from outdated agreements and create new ones that align with your values today.
Set yourself free.
Coaching for Clarity & Freedom
Creating new agreements is just one tool I use to help clients break free from outdated commitments and build lives that align with their values. If you’re ready for more clarity, ease, and empowerment in your decisions, let’s talk. Coaching can help you navigate these shifts with confidence. Let's connect.
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